How to Talk to a Flying Monkey

Most of us are familiar with the Polish proverb, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” If only we could reverse these monkeys and send the flying monkeys back with a message to the narc. Can you imagine how much healthier our families would be?

flying monkey, narcissism, narcissist,

I know, it’s a fantasy, but we all need a good fantasy every once in a while. This post could go on forever because we all know the list of lies put out by the narc is a bottomless pit, but I’ll just reverse five things flying monkeys use to shame us.

CAUTION: Read this fantasy at your own risk. Don’t allow hope to suck away the reality that the narc or flying monkeys rarely change. Keep your logic hat on.

1. Flying Monkey Stupid Question #1: “Why do you always have to remember the past?

Oh if only I had mocha for every time a flying monkey said this. For starters, who doesn’t remember the past? This flying monkey knows they remember the past and we all know the narc’s memory is selective. The narc hasn’t forgotten the past because he has a long list of people he wants to get even with, so why all this fuss about remembering?

It’s not remembering the past that’s the problem for the narc, it’s remembering the past and acknowledging it. It’s remembering that exact point on the glass where we were cut last time. It’s saying that since I remember the past, I don’t wish to repeat the past. But the narc doesn’t want me to remember where he stabbed me in the back, because if I remember it will never happen again.

My question for the flying monkey is do you really want me to forget the past?  ‘Cause that would make it much more difficult for me to remember things like how to drive and I would definitely forget your birthday. Maybe you should fly back to the narc and give him this message:

“Why don’t you forget the past? Why don’t you stop holding it against your designated scapegoat for not playing along with all your dirty little games?”

2. Flying Monkey Stupid Question #2: “Why do you have to break up the family by skipping the family drama–er dinner?”

Ha! As if not attending one dinner could wreck an entire dynasty and possibly end civilization as we know it. I’d love to tie a little note to the clutches of this flying monkey and send him back with:

“Hey Narc, your lies and triangulating have literally sucked the joy out of our family gatherings. So why don’t you stop the drama and let everyone be themselves? Then maybe family members will want to hang out with you again.”

3. Flying Monkey Stupid Question #3: “The narc’s never gonna change, so why don’t you just forgive and forget?”

Hmmn… Nearly everything that stinks needs changing like garbage and diapers. Personally I can’t think of anything that stinks more than narcissism. It tears down the family through lies and division. The main problem with the narc is it’s always gotta be his way or the highway. I’d decorate this flying monkey with old diapers for brown nosing and maybe give him a flat tire and see how far he goes before deciding change is necessary. Oh! And I’d send this message back to the narc:

“The reason people are avoiding you oh great narc is because you refuse to change. All relationships come up for renegotiation. Like an old fish rotting in the sink, people have lost all taste for your control freaking ways and hostile attempts to divide and conquer. Why don’t you change? Why don’t you play the game of forgive and forget?

4. Flying Monkey Stupid Question #4: What Would Jesus Do?

A few flying monkey spies just fell off their seats when they read this. Sorry monkey friends, but it’s a stupid question if it relates to narcissistic abuse because Jesus never advocated that we become doormats. Most flying monkeys can be brushed off with a fly swatter, but there is no flying monkey like the monkey sent from the throne of Religious Narcia. The aura of oppression they wield while they try to shame you with your ultimate hope–your faith in God–is unconscionable. And all because they like ring of that little mantra “What would Jesus do?”

What Jesus would do is support freedom. Jesus never stands with liars and abusers. He does not support narcissistic abuse and never uses such tactics himself. I’d send this spiritually manipulative flying monkey back as soon as he opens his mouth—with a message to smash all the false kingdoms in Religious Narcia.

“Hey narc, let’s just forget what Jesus would do and let’s remember what Jesus did. Jesus said, “Who are my mother and my brothers? He who does the will of my father.” If you aren’t doing the will of the Father, then get off my back.”

5. Flying Monkey Stupid Question #5: What if the Narc Dies?

Many flying monkey discussions end with the ultimate countdown–the final countdown in all of our lives when he says: “Well you never know how long the narc will live, so why not try to get along with them.”

What does this flying monkey even mean? Does he think we should allow ourselves to be abuse by the narc because he has a shorter life expectancy than other people? The fact is we don’t know how long any of us will live. Car accidents steal young lives every day.

My message is not intended to make light of how short life is–but rather BECAUSE life is short. If only all these flying monkey suggestions worked, if only it were that easy to reverse all the damage done by the narc to others by hanging out with the narc. Sadly, when we are in a relationship with a narc it’s like they are already dead–not because we wish it–-heaven knows how much we love them and have cried over the narc, but because life is short and hanging out with the narc could make our lives even shorter.

It’s a solemn message to send back, but it’s the truth and it must be said:

“I don’t know how long I will live. None of us do. Since we don’t know this, why do you assume others should tiptoe around you Narc? Why not make things right with your children before they or you die? And If you really want a relationship, why not put some love and kindness into it? Shame and guilt don’t work on me anymore.”

Well, that was nice fantasy while it lasted, but the mountains are calling and I must go! Hopefully this worked like flying monkey repellent, cause modern science still hasn’t found a cure for the narc or his flying monkeys. But you will be ok because you know how to recognize a flying monkey and you won’t let the narc steal your joy.

Please feel free to add your own fantasies in the comment section.


  1. Life is short.
    But, lies give birth to more lies and so on…my stamina to wanes, but the lies keep coming strong and anew…….here’s a lie…..”if you do good you get good”………truth is” if you do good, do it for its own sake…..because you might find yourself falsely accused, tried, falsely convicted, and crucified…….you are in the Best of Company.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Thank you for sharing Elizabeth! Sounds like you are speaking from your experience. I am sad for your pain and all the others who have suffered from narcissistic people.

    Peace and freedom to you!



  3. I love your blog, I always look forward to new posts. I am so grateful I divorced the narc in my life. I feel badly for my children sometimes regarding the mean and controlling things he says to them. I do my best to provide healthy guidance in dealing with their own feelings and teaching them how to have appropriate boundaries.

    It would be nice if the narcs could change, but like you said: modern science still hasn’t found a cure for narcs.

    I attended an event tonight for my children while my ex and his new wife sat right next to but behind me and my husband, their conversation was a spitting image of what my conversations used to be with him. I cringed inside the whole time. I felt for his new wife. One day she’ll wake up and wonder where and when the life was sucked out of her. I feel bad for her, I really do.

    However, I am SO grateful for the level of awareness that I have regarding narcissism and how to deal with narcs. I am so grateful I have a husband who is kind, honest, gentle, and compassionate.

    I’m just so glad it’s not me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Shannon,
    Thank you for sharing! It’s hard to move on from the old habits, I’m glad you are free from the narc. I hope your children can continue to be safe.

    Peace and freedom to you!



  5. Thanks for this, it made me smile! 🙂 And humour is very therapeutic. Flying monkeys indeed! I find your blog very positive, which is not necessarily standard for trauma survivor blogs. But, for me, only the positive stuff is actually useful – the negative stuff just goes round and round and that takes away yet more precious time without anything to show for it. Being inspirational and life-affirming is definitely good! 🙂

    Personally I’ve got cPTSD and didn’t find out till my 40s but suddenly so much of what happened made sense! No shortage of flying monkeys either. 😉 Not until I was in a safe environment at last (after around five years of marriage to a non-abusive partner who is also my best friend, we laugh a lot too) did my brain finally give me video footage to go with the unexplained waking-up-in-cold-sweats I’d had all my life. I mean, intellectually I’d known I was abused in childhood, but that didn’t necessarily equate with emotional processing. And while you have to survive, your survival defences stay up to help you do just that…

    Love and hugs to you and all reading. All the very best to everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi Andrea,
    Thank you for sharing part of your story! Yes, like Maya Angelou so eloquently stated, “We have survived and thrive, through passion, compassion, HUMOR and style.”

    Many of us did not wake up until our forties only to discover we have CPTSD. Knowing this is only half the battle, but a necessary acknowledgement. It really helps when we realize the flying monkeys are really just scared or ignorant and really have no clue so they have no power over us.

    Peace and freedom to you!



  7. lying monkey stupid question #4156 “Why can’t you just forgive and let it go?”..”We are suppose to forgive the Bible says so”.. My answer: “Well, true.. however, I must forgive for my faith and for ME.. and I am uncertain the Bible states.. to forgive, and keep getting punched in the face, and go back for more”.. Love yourself!! SELF CARE IS NOT SELFISH


  8. Hi Natalie,

    I believe you are right–the bible encourages us to forgive for our own health and peace, but forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things. That said, no one can forgive for another or tell them when or how to do it. Each of us must figure this out for ourselves.

    Peace and freedom to you!



  9. What if the Narc dies? Mine is in the middle of doing just that. I thought it would never happen. I am both relieved and deeply angry. I am angry at the flying monkeys who insist that it is apparently important that they convey information about my mother’s condition to me. They preface the letters with sentences about ‘knowing you don’t want contact from us but we are going to anyway” and then tell me stuff it is absolutely impossible to ignore because I am not made of stone and also impossible to verify without breaking my own no contact. And since scripture tells me that my no needs to be no, simple straightforward and confirmed by action, then I can’t do what I am tempted to do, and find out if the gossip is correct.

    Its a diabolical situation to be caught up in. You hate that they hunt down your whereabouts and then casually mention that your mother has Alzheimers but don’t sign the letter and give you your mother’s return address. Is my mother making this stuff up? I spent years on that one, lunging from first one conclusion and then the opposite one. Now its ‘she is dying and if you want to see her now is the time to do it’. WHY would I want to see her now? WHAT difference will that make to me or her since she would not be able to recognise me anyway? Only a true narc would think anyone else would get a thrill out of seeing a comatose body of somebody you thought actually loved you and thought you were special and then realised they actually didn’t.

    It’s sick and they keep doing it.

    Flying monkeys are actually worse than the Narc. They are like a perpetual itch which only gets worse if you scratch it but its really really hard not to scratch.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Hi Ellagamberi,

    You describe the pain of all the manipulation that comes from the flying monkeys as well as the narc.

    I am sending prayers for peace and freedom your way. You deserve to let go of their expectations and live a good life!

    As far as is it your mother makes stuff up–it could be, but there’s the thing, you are not responsible for other peoples’ feelings or their response so unless they call you or write you and say we need this or that, you cannot let yourself feel sad for their life choices. Friendship is always a two-way street. I feel in my own family have wanted me to do stuff and reach out, but they don’t, This tells me that the friendship is one-sided. I have released them and do my best to live a healthy life.

    Peace and freedom!



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