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Forgive Our Fathers – Smoke Signals

14 Jun

The movie Smoke Signals is the story of two Native American boys who struggle with self-worth due to absent and abusive fathers. The end of the movie always brings tears to my eyes. As one hurting son empties his father’s ashes over the Spokane River at Riverfront Park, the narrator questions, “How do we forgive our fathers?” It is a question on many minds this Father’s Day.

So how do we forgive our fathers? Look to Jesus who is the exact expression of the Father (Heb. 1:1-3). We start by getting to know our true Father. This is no slam to our earthly parents because they need this Father as much as we do.

Knowing our heavenly Father allows us to extend the grace we’ve been given to our earthly fathers–no matter how much they might have failed us–God’s love is greater than our hearts. Forgiveness thrives where there is honesty and other-centered love.

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The Dark Night of Fatherhood

14 Jun

Hallmark cards fail to celebrate the dark side of fatherhood. No father ever opens up a card to read, “Thank you for leaving me when I was two.” No woman writes a love letter to her father for stealing her innocence. Card commercials portray fathers reading stories to their kids and serving ice cream. They don’t showcase fathers yelling and beating their kids.

If our knowledge of the word father was limited to what we see in card commercials, we might imagine fatherhood to be a warm fuzzy experience for all involved, but many grown up children will testify their relationship with dad is a like scary trip through the dark woods. For these people, Father’s Day is the darkest day of the year–a reminder of those absent fathers and dads who shut us out when they disapprove of us.

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©Rolf Jansson/Licensed from GoodSalt.com

When fathers show a lack of support and inability to connect with us it hurts because our fathers once represented God to us. The image of God they gave us was sometimes good and sometimes abusive which causes us to imagine God as both good and evil, but God is not like our human fathers. The Bible reveals God is a loving Father who gives us every good and perfect gift (James 1:17).

To understand the Father’s character, we can learn from the life and words of Jesus. The most obvious example is the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).

This Father is wholehearted and present in his son’s life, but he is never controlling. When the son asks for his inheritance, the Father gives it to him. He doesn’t push him to see things his way. He doesn’t spy on him, or try to coerce him. He never uses force on him—even when the son gambles it all away the Father doesn’t interfere. When his son shames the family name by eating with the pigs, the Father doesn’t go after him, because he respects his choices.

Eventually the son realizes what he’s thrown away. He now feels humble and unworthy to be called a son, but he realizes his father’s servants eat better than he does, so he heads home. “It’s God’s kindness that leads us to repentance”(Romans 2:4).

So the Father is waiting and watching down that road hoping every day just for a glimpse of his son coming home. Finally the day comes when he sees him in the distance. The Father has been patient but now that the son has made his choice to come home, the Father rushes out the door. He runs as fast as he can to grab his boy and give him a big ole bear hug–that’s God, running out to meet us when we decide to come home.

Even though the son only feels worthy of being a servant, the Father still calls him son. He dresses him up in the best clothes and puts the authority of the family ring on his finger. He doesn’t hide his son’s mistakes, but he doesn’t rub it in either. He invites all of his friends and throws a party to celebrate his son’s homecoming.

This Father Jesus describes is a lot like Himself. Later Jesus will tell his friends “If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father” (John 14:9).

Just as we don’t believe those Hallmark commercials, we can stop imagining the bad experiences with our earthly fathers represent our Father God. This world is like a dark forest with our fathers trying to find their way. Sometimes they took us through the dark places with them, but there is one Father who can get us out alive. In Him there is only light–no darkness or shadows (1 John 1:5).

If we allow the cameras to pan out beyond the dark woods, we can see the Father sitting on his porch bathed in light. He is waiting for each of us to realize He is a wholehearted, patient, forgiving and non-judgmental father. He is waiting to welcome all of us–fathers and children–home where his perfect love will erase all of our darkness.

So happy Father’s Day to all the hurting kids who wish they had a loving father–God is your Father now and He is worthy of your trust.

And happy Father’s Day to all the fathers who feel guilty and ashamed for their failings–find peace in His love because God is your Father too.

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We Need All the Facts

6 Jun

There is a local news station that I subscribed to on Facebook that gives short updates, often missing vital pieces of information. A recent blurb about people being taken to local hospitals alarmed a few people, but it turns out the “local hospitals” are in another state which they neglected to mention in the post.

People get confused and frustrated by sloppy journalism. Last week the same station reported a grass fire in my town, but didn’t tell where. Such information might be helpful so we can know if our home is in danger or which road to take to avoid the congestion. I commented that it would be nice if they would give people the who, what, where and when on each story. Some guy responded to my post by saying, “Don’t be upset, they are just missing a few facts.” Hmm. Isn’t getting the facts straight the first rule of journalism? Stations more committed in drawing viewers than serving the public with timely information are making themselves obsolete. We live in the information age. If they don’t give us the facts, we will find them somewhere else.

Missing facts are a problem. They have caused divorces, family feuds, wars and death. If we have a health problem, it’s essential to know the facts. If someone in our family is lying about us, it can ruin many relationships. Dr. Tim Jennings says, “Lies believed, break the circle of love and trust.” I have seen this firsthand in my own family.

The only thing that can fix missing facts is the truth. Truth brings relief to the person waiting for the test to come back. Truth empowers the person wondering what is wrong even if they get bad news. Truth calms our fears. Truth exonerates the false accused. Truth is essential for our mental, physical and emotional health. That’s probably why Jesus said, “The truth will set you free.”

Missing facts about God have endangered many lives. Most of us grew up with distorted ideas about God. That’s why I am writing this blog. Nowhere is it more important to have the facts than when it comes to understanding God’s character.

The fact that Jesus said He and the Father are one (John 10:30) has changed my life. I no longer see Jesus as the good guy who saves me from the Father. It’s a fact–the entire Godhead is for us and not against us (Romans 8:31). If Jesus and the Father are both on my side, then I no longer need to hide from the Father or fear Him. I don’t know about you, but I want the facts about God.

Philip said to Jesus,
“Lord, show us the Father. That is all we need.”
Jesus answered,
“Philip, I have been with you for a long time. 
So you should know me. 
The person that has seen me has seen the Father too. 
So why do you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 
Do you truly believe that I am in the Father
and the Father is in me? 
The things I have told you don’t come from me. 
The Father lives in me,
and he is doing his own work. 
Believe me when I say that I am in the Father
and the Father is in me.”
-John 14:8-11

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Waiting

28 Mar Waiting-2

Most of us get tired of waiting. Waiting in line. Waiting for lunch break. Waiting for the weekend. Waiting for time with the people we love. Waiting for understanding among family members. Waiting for the storm to pass. Waiting for the day when little children don’t have to die hungry. Waiting for peace between neighbors and nations. Waiting to be reunited with loved ones who have died. It seems like most the stuff we are waiting on could be fixed if Jesus would just hurry up and come.

Probably the most puzzling and controversial thing about Jesus is the fact He promised to come back. That was twenty centuries ago. As much as we get tired of waiting, God has been waiting longer. A thousand years might seem like one day to God in eternity, but Jesus knows what it’s like to wait because He stepped into time when He came to live among us.

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God waited while His enemy gossiped about Him in heaven. Then He created this earth and He waited for people and angels to make their choices. He waited for Adam and Eve while they hid in the bushes. He sent them from the Garden with a promise to set things right and then He waited. For thousands of years, our Creator has been waiting while He watches His beautiful creation crumble under sin.

God waited to come and live among us until the time was right. He left the light of heaven to wait in a dark womb for nine months. He waited to be old enough to discuss what was on His heart in the temple at 12. He waited by going home to learn the carpenter trade and lived a simple hard working life until He was thirty.

He waited to find the right men to follow His leading. Then He waited for them to catch on to who He is and what He was about to do. He waited while Lazarus died so He could show us He has power over death. He waited for the right time to go to Jerusalem to make a point about His love. He waited to wash the dirty feet of His followers and explain what was going on. He waited for Judas to do his sneaky deed.

He waited for the Father to sustain Him in the garden. He waited for His friends to join Him in prayer–but they didn’t. He waited for the kiss of betrayal and He waited to repair one man’s ear with love. He waited in the courts of Pontius Pilate. He waited to be rejected and scorned and He waited to wear a crown of thorns. He waited for Peter to curse His name.

Jesus waited for His Father to show up, but our sins caused Him to feel separated Him from the Father. While He was waiting to die, He asked John to take care of His mother. He waited in the tomb over the Sabbath. When He woke up, He waited to meet up with His Father until Mary discovered He was not the gardener.

Later while Jesus waited for His friends to bring in their catch, He cooked breakfast for them. He waited to go away, but the day finally came. He promised to return and He’s still waiting. He’s waiting for Satan’s horrible sin experiment to play out in all of its misery. He’s waiting for a group of people who know Him and love Him to show the world who He really is so they can trust Him too. He’s waiting for day when the climax of Satan’s deceptions and misery stand in opposition to the revealing of His loving character.

He’s waiting to populate this Earth with people who never want to be selfish again. He’s waiting for our choices to be decided either for Him or against Him. He’s waiting for us to realize He is always for us and can’t wait to be with us. He still waiting, but He waits patiently. It’s because He has already conquered sin and death so we can wait patiently too. Nothing can separate us from God—not even while we are waiting.

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Freedom

22 Mar Freedom

If you had a rough and abusive childhood,
it could take decades to heal.
And if the things that happened to you
were particularly neglectful, harsh and vile
it might take years to get out of denial.

Freedom comes in several ways–
1. The first is to leave the abusive environment
and choosing the least contact
because it’s not fair or healthy
to continue having your heart bent.

Freedom

2. The second step is to figure out
what actually happened.
Sometimes the only way to move forward
is to revisit the past
you need to feel it in order to heal it–
anything less will never last.

3. The third step is forgiveness.
But it won’t work to go to step three
until you have completed step two.
You can say you forgive,
but if you don’t know what you’re forgiving
You’ll skip your healing
And go on with your crippled living.

To truly forgive is to
let go of expectations
let go of vengeance,
let go of bitterness
let go of hard feelings
let go of control.
These steps are to set yourself free.

It is only by letting go of our baggage
that we finally become free to fly.
And once we get free–we cannot allow
the expectations of our abusers
to talk us into picking them up again.
Letting go is letting go.

4. The fourth step is to make your own choices.
Freedom comes from knowing who we are,
where we have been
what has been done to us
and realize we did not deserve the abuse
and refuse to allow ourselves to spin
on the abuse cycle any more.

Freedom comes when we discover
there is whole beautiful world
full of kind animals, safer people
and a loving God.

When you have been set free
from your oppressors.
you can burn the belt,
you can tear up the religious rules
you can allow the people
who criticize you and judge you
and try to control you
to deal with their own lives.

Once you release the toxic people–
you have room for your own choices
you can spend your own money
you can sing as loud as you choose
you can dance in the streets
you can love freely.

Can you smell the flowers?
Can you hear the birds?
Their colors and songs proclaim your freedom.
A reminder from your true Father
that you are created for love.

If those who took away your freedom
claimed to be Christians–
please realize God is not like your parents.
God is the author of liberty
and His Spirit always brings freedom.

Freedom comes through truth,
forgiveness, letting go
and reaching out for community.

Freedom is the invisible superglue
that holds all relationships together
and allows us to love.

So seek out the mothers who care
Connect with the fathers who love
and embrace the sisters
who can relate to your story
and realize the freedom
you’ve been given by God.

“Everything can be taken from a man
but one thing:
the last of the human freedoms—
to choose one’s attitude
in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one’s own way.”
-Viktor E. Frankl

You, precious soul,
can now choose your own way.
Your God-given freedom
is your ticket to love, joy, peace
and all that your heart desires.
So lean into your healthy connections and fly!

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Love

13 Mar Jesus-love

Love is not some pretty flower child sentiment
With all the fickleness of a springtime storm,
but an eternally abiding presence
that keeps the earth warm even–
when we cannot see it.

Love’s not some noble concept
to store in a book on a shelf,
but a fire which originates
and emanates from the throne
which burns to bless others because Love–
cannot deny Himself.

Jesus-love

God is love.
He’s not only loving and lovely
His very essence is love
so everything He touches,
is drenched in love.

In the face of Jesus
we see the source of love and life,
the bearer of every good gift and
an eminent being who always gives up self
in order to serve others.

The words “God is love”
are not some a passive platitude,
but an active marrow building truth
always bringing in its train
the concept of grace in action.

God’s law is love.
The ten and the two
are simply an expression of the one–
the greatest law of other-centered love
on which the entire universe is run.

We thought Jesus was smitten of God
but the Father who sends every good gift
and pours the sun on the just and unjust,
would never violate His principle of love.
Love. is. God’s. character.

The God who asks us to turn the other cheek
did not kill the Son or demand a payment
because Love doesn’t seek its own way.

Jesus and the Father are one.
When we’ve seen Jesus,
we’ve seen the Father.
Jesus says He will no longer
beg the Father for us–
because the Father Himself loves us.

God is patient,
God is kind.
God does not envy,
God does not boast,
God is not proud.
God does not dishonor others,
God is not self-seeking,
God is not easily angered,
God keeps no record of wrongs.
God does not delight in evil
God rejoices with the truth.
God always protects,
God always trusts,
God always hopes,
God always perseveres.
God never fails.

God’s perfect love casts out our fear.

Without love–we’ve got nothing.

Which attribute of God do you find hard to believe?

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Story

11 Mar Stories

The beauty of story goes beyond
what you see and I see
and teaches us reality.

Story teaches us to distinguish
from fairy tale to possibility.
From fable to truth
and the deepest truths are taught
through story–
because story is how we remember.

Stories entertain children,
but they also put them to sleep.
Stories were meant for adults
to contemplate the deep.

Stories

Story is the experience
we had in guilt town so we know
we don’t need to visit there again.

Story is the vacation in paradise
where we discovered we could
throw away our gadgets
and love is enough.

Story is the experience
that keeps us coming back to dine
at the King’s banqueting table.

And story reminds us of the promise
that we will never be alone
even in the valley of the shadow.

Story is what wakes us up
and makes us up
and takes us up–
to a place that is higher.
Through story we discover
we can give and forgive and live.

Story gives us an opportunity to cleanse
the emotional wounds of our past
so we can receive healing.

Telling our story
is like throwing stones into the water,
with ripples that enlarge our borders
spreading wisdom
to people we have never met.

I need to hear your story
and you need to hear mine.
We need all of our stories because
we were formed by our stories
and when people ask us
to stop telling our stories
they are asking us to omit
years from our lives
as if we never lived.

When they ask us to play dead
we can try to bury our stories,
but the body will always remember
what the mind forgets.

God never asks us to hide our stories.
He who calls Himself the Truth
always confirms the truth.

God communicates to us through story.
The Bible has 66 books full of stories
and Jesus told many stories.

Our honest stories
speak the truth about God.

If Adam and Eve had tried
to keep their story a secret,
we would not even have
the ancient poem
which tells us where we came from.

God wants to enter into
and illuminate all of our stories.

The only way this life makes any sense
is when your story and my story
fit into God’s greater story.

Without story–we’ve got nothing.

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